Motivation, Where did you go?

You know, according to the logic of one of my best friends, I could be eating more junk food. I could buy two packs of chocolate snacks instead of just one, so, really, in that stream of logic, I'm doing well with self control. But we (Him, me, and my other bestie who is also best friends with him) have a special word for his kind of logic. His logic is Naru logic. So I probably shouldn't go by that since it never makes sense in any other form.

But ... C'mon ... About 70% of the time I eat good stuff. So eating something sweet once and again won't kill me. But it will make the motivation go away. Ahh, it seemed to have disappeared. That motivation to get thinner and be healthy.

I've found out that I can always find a way, an excuse, to eat junk food. "Oh, just this once because it's my birthday" or "Because it's Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Years" or "Special night with the family!" And I've heard it before so it's not a new thing. But it took me a while to realize that I was falling into a junk food trap, a bad habit began to form. "Just this once" turned into almost "Once a week". I'm trying to be more conscious of that now.

But it's not just the eating that's the problem. I need to exercise. And I hate it. Haaaaate.

Let me be clear on one thing, I like playing with people. Sports, games, team based things. But when I have to go at it alone I find ways to put it off. Most of the time the reason being "Ugh, I hate _______" Like running. Running is dull. There's not any sort of clear short term goal so my mind goes "We could just stop running at any time. Who would care?" The motivation for doing things by myself is extremely low. If I go "We could stop playing this right now, no one will care" during the middle of a sport, it wouldn't fly so well with the others. So motivation-wise, it's pretty easy to continue. Especially when we win. Short term goal - get the ball into the net = Feel good.

However it's difficult to find a team based anything in this area that would allow someone who can't communicate effectively (or quickly enough) to join.

Which puts me in a slump. I could go swimming, do laps in the public pool. But that's still a thing that you do by yourself.

The stupid thing here is that when I go out running with my husband (Which, to me, still feels like a totally alone thing. Two people doing the same thing but alone) I get all self conscious. He's much better at running than I am (And he's also terrible at motivation when it requires him to stop and tell me to move). He's so much more fit than I am. He's this and that and I'm just not. Not anything.

"But who cares?" Everyone says. "Who cares what you look like?" The correct answer usually being "Nobody" But yet I guess I'm enough of a thing to stop motivation from coming back to me.

Gotta get to work on that. Gotta get better.

Ha. I say that, but saying it is so much easier than actually doing it.